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Publishing Myths General Guidelines and Good Advice

Winner for best cloud-sourced myth(s):

It dont mater how bad youre speling or grammer is, or how illegibly formatted your submission. As long as you have an idea thats the new Harry Potter or DaVinci Code, publishers will send your book to a ghost writer to be written, slap a celebritys name on it as "author", and give you all the money. Or none of the money.

Alternatively: it doesnt matter how unsalable your idea is if your writing is limpidly beautiful and lyrically whatever. Its only about Art. Who cares how many books we can sell?

Alternatively again: it doesnt matter how beautiful your writing is, because its only about money. Publishers are actively rejecting most slush manuscripts as "too good" and only publishing cliche-ridden drivel because thats the only thing that sells.

Only the young and vivacious get published. Publishing isnt just a popularity contest in terms of your manuscript, were also looking ahead to the interviews youll have to do in a bikini. So wax now.

You must get rejected 26 times. LEngle, Seuss, Grisham, Karen Jay Fowler... all the best writers have been rejected exactly 26 times. (No doubt this number is because of some secret cabal in publishing.) If you get a 27th rejection, though, it means youre crap.

Once you are published, its easy-peasy to get all your friends, family members, and crit group partners published, too. Once youre in the secret club, you can recommend up to 26 new members per month. (No, of course your editor wont mind the influx of recommended manuscripts--shes doesnt have to read them, just put them on the secret orders altar and read the secret fortunetelling bones over them.)

Moreover, this is really the only way to be published, since publishing houses go to any lengths to avoid reading submissions. This includes giving false addresses (ha, Candlewick is located in "Boston"! Honestly, who would fall for that?) and simply moving away from old buildings once they become heavily impacted with piles of slush.

Finally, if you earn out your advance and make your publisher glad they worked with you, you clearly didnt get paid enough. Fire your agent, so that at least someone will have learned their lesson.

Thanks to Sam, Chris, Merry, Tricia, Literaticat, Carol, Michael, Vonna, Hope, and A.L.!

P.S.: Anonymous, the secret society of bloggers (led by Nathan Bransford and Literaticat) is factual. This was a MYTHS contest.

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Publishing Myths Contest!

I read with great interest about Ally Condie’s recent 7-figure deal with Dutton. It has us aspiring writers all in a kerfuffle. In online writer’s forums, the skinny is that Ms. Condie, like Stephenie Meyer, is Mormon, a graduate of BYU, and mother to three children. This has spawned speculation that the upper echelon of publishing is comprised of a “Mormon Mafia” of BYU alumni. Will my odds of getting published improve if I move to Provo, convert, and squeeze out another kid?

HA HA HAHAHGAH AHAHA HSNORTHAHA! Oh, whew. There should be a class at the gym thats just rolling around on the floor while guffawing.

Thats fabulous, and a terrific kick off to our new years contest:
MAKE UP THE BEST PUBLISHING MYTH.

Points will be awarded mostly for humor, but having some slight connection to reality or some vaguely believable "proof" will make for the strongest contenders. Ideally, Id like to see several of these myths go on to long, anonymous lives on the internet where they will be passed from newbie to newbie like a cold in a preschool.

Entries should be posted in the comments here, by January 1st.

Available link for download