Showing posts with label playground. Show all posts
Showing posts with label playground. Show all posts
Saturday, June 3, 2017
Playground Politics
Playground Politics
Shopping Centre playgrounds can be a godsend. The kids love them. I can grab a coffee and check Twitter.. I mean.. watch the boys play...
But they can also be a social minefield, a parenting nightmare, a Lord of the Flies re enactment...
 |
| Lord of the Flies... but with bright colours and more slides. |
1)
Why are there never enough seats for the parents to watch their kids? Its like they WANT us to put our kids in there and go see a movie... Cinemas have LOTS of chairs.
2)
Did your kid just hit my kid?
It was totally your kids fault..
I saw it.
Did you see it?
Get your kid away from my kid.
Oh shit, that was totally my kids fault.
Did my kid just hit your kid?
Where IS my kid?
3)
Dear Other Parent,When you stand in that particular spot to watch your child play, you may not be aware that all the parents sitting on the allocated seating behind you cannot see their children playing. As watching your child play is obviously important to you, you may understand that it is also important to other parents. You dumbass.
Yours Sincerely, That mother sitting behind you who will totally sue you if someone snatches one of my kids while you and your ginormous shopping trolley are blocking my view of the playground.
4)
Awkward= My kids deciding that a particular child in the playground is a "Monster" and should be run from, preferably screaming, "Save me! Save me from the monster!" And Im sitting next to that kids mother.
2)
Did your kid just hit my kid?
It was totally your kids fault..
I saw it.
Did you see it?
Get your kid away from my kid.
Oh shit, that was totally my kids fault.
Did my kid just hit your kid?
Where IS my kid?
3)
Dear Other Parent,When you stand in that particular spot to watch your child play, you may not be aware that all the parents sitting on the allocated seating behind you cannot see their children playing. As watching your child play is obviously important to you, you may understand that it is also important to other parents. You dumbass.
Yours Sincerely, That mother sitting behind you who will totally sue you if someone snatches one of my kids while you and your ginormous shopping trolley are blocking my view of the playground.
4)
Awkward= My kids deciding that a particular child in the playground is a "Monster" and should be run from, preferably screaming, "Save me! Save me from the monster!" And Im sitting next to that kids mother.
5)
My kids WILL go up the slide the wrong way. So will yours. They will knock each other over. Someone may cry. Lets all accept it and move on.
6)
Please dont let your eight year old boys into the playground. Im sure they are lovely boys, but they are too big and mental and they may trample my little boys under their ginormous feet.
7)
Dont judge me for bribing my kids to get them outta the playground. I choose my battles. And my primary weapon in my silent war is donuts.
How do you survive the Shopping Centre Playground?
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Saturday, January 28, 2017
Playground Memories
Playground Memories
What can you reconstruct from your blurry childhood memories? Boisterous hide-and-seek games with your neighborhood friends? A sandbox where you used to “bake” fancy cakes? An old swing where you first met a boy that became a source of your fantasies? I cant recollect the layout of our first apartment but I can recall exactly how many steps there were between the swing and the slide in our neighborhood playground. I can vividly describe how my friend slipped from the monkey bars and broke her hand, how one winter some fathers built a skating rink, and how I rode a bike for hours, pretending to be a taxi. That playground was the center of my universe, a piazza of my life – to show, share, play, to be alone and to be together. I do not see playgrounds from this perspective anymore. The magic was a gift of childhood. Then it was real and now it is pretense – the games with princesses in castles, fighting soldiers, unsolved mysteries. I shall remember this the next time I yawn when my kids request to go to the playground.
Here are some playground science tricks to impress your kids in their real world.
- Pumping: Tell them that pumping on the swing shifts their mass strategically, making them swing faster. The most efficient pumping motion is the one that requires the most work: your child should stand on the swing, squatting when the swing reaches the highest point and standing upright when the swing is at its lowest.
- Yes, you can start swinging from complete rest - but it takes patience and persistence for a number of minutes. The best secret strategy: start pumping by leaning your body back and forth, then stand on the swing and squat to pump.
- Jumping from swing: teach them when to jump from the swing in order to enjoy the farthest flight into sand or water. If they jump too early, close to the bottom of the arc, they do not have upward velocity that can fight gravity and keep them in the air for long. Plus, the swing seat will bang them in the back. If they wait too long and jump at the highest arc point, when most of their velocity is vertical, instead of flying forward they immediately drop to the ground. Tell your kids to jump in the middle.
- Run: As soon as your kid touches the ground he should run forward, to prevent falling by inertia.
And since all of this is reasonably dangerous, warn your kids to never, ever try it alone. And they will absolutely positively listen.
More stories from The Math Mom, about creative math of parenting: Yes, I would not or No, I will or Mommy, I am afraid to die.
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