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Week 38 (October 12 specifically) was a BIG milestone that Ive been looking forward to for, well, since August. Week 38 meant the start of maternity leave! I spent the final two weeks of work semi-frantically wrapping up paperwork: client notes, transfer summaries, discharge papers, assessment reports, treatment reviews...the list goes on. Each night Id review all the tasks I had to complete the next day, feel overwhelmed and anxious, and beg baby to stay put until at least October 13. Thankfully, little one cooperated.

Finishing work also meant no longer having to commute. Id replayed a few scenarios in my mind of making my way back to the city while in labor. I wasnt entirely worried that Id be in the situation, but really, you never know. Ive had times where its taken me just about two hours to get home. So I figured its always best to have a plan. (And dont even get me started on the challenges in bladder holding during that drive). Im done - amen!

People have started asking if I was feeling that things were "getting close". Physically, Ive felt mostly the same. Babys head is still low, I have occasional cramping, but I dont have any sort of sixth sense that this baby is showing up at any second. I think were hanging tight for a bit longer. Mentally, though, YES. And no. I have these moments of thinking about how different things are *just* about to be, and then I also realize Im in some bizarre state of denial. I swear I walk around totally forgetting that there is an actual baby on the way. Seriously, some nights Ill lay in bed and think to myself, "theres not really a baby in there". And then I wake up and have a quick moment of panic and think, "ohmigod, is the baby still there?!", and I check my belly and confirm that I am still, in fact, most likely quite pregnant. I was joking to colleagues that I may need to self-refer for a psych eval.

The reality is, though, getting to this phase of pregnancy just seems so unbelievable. Spending months and months imagining this tiny human in your life as a distant, unreachable thing suddenly shifting to a real, actual thing that IS HAPPENING is just more that I can comprehend. I dont think it will all entirely come together until I actually see this little one and hold him/her in my arms. We are SO CLOSE!